Tuesday, February 09, 2021

Meet Chuck, and also, meet the future. It’s the year 2025, and due to an unforeseen side effect of the COVID-19 vaccine (which otherwise totally worked like it was supposed to), squirrels have evolved to grow as big, or bigger, than humans. No longer having size as an advantage, people are no match for these hordes of invading squirrels with their sharp, pointy teeth and their overnight, unanimous decision to become carnivorous. Squirrels, they’ve always wanted what we have, and now they can just take it—and they are. You think this car that Chuck’s about to clean out and drive off in is sweet? You should see where Chuck lives. It’s a really nice place! A few years ago, one would say it’s much too nice a house for just one squirrel to live in, but that was back when we had a say in such things.

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